I am two, and I will never be one again. Now you probably think, Scarlett, are you nuts? Well I read such an intriguing article recently, where the author and mom put the thought forward that after having kids, you’re not just one being anymore, but two. You’re your kids, as well. Your whole being thinks and acts and feels for more than just yourself. Inevitably. The question if you’re feeling alright is inevitably and forever linked to the question well, are they well? The kids, and also the hubbie?
I have to copy/paste the part of the article for you, here, because, frankly, I couldn’t put it in words as beautifully as Courtney (especially not in my sleep deprived mommy brain…):
People often evoke that saying about having kids being like having your heart walk outside of your body. It’s kind of like that for me. But it’s a different quality — more like the umbilical cord was never actually cut, spiritually speaking. If it were my heart, I think I’d actually feel less compromised. I can be reckless with my own body, my own heart, in a way that I cannot with theirs.
When they were born, it was like a dimension of the universe unfolded wherein I am not one person, but three people now. They are never outside of my mind, even if they are hiding in a corner for a moment while I give a speech or swim laps. They are permanently included in my sense of my own well being — how am I? Well, how are they? This is a deeply meaningful way to be in the world, but it’s also heavy and permanent. I never wish I were one person again. The gifts of being three are so vast. But I do miss the unbearable lightness of just being me sometimes.
Yes, I will always be two. And that’s kind of the most beautiful thought, ever. So here are a couple of pictures of the two of us, me as a new mom, and little as a new baby. A moment and time I never want to forget. Forever treasured in my heart and filed under “best moments ever”. For the record: Miss E is exactly four weeks old in those pictures. Love.
Disclaimer: I know I look totally worn out. Have you seen those under eye circles…? Yet, to me, somehow, I radiate pure happiness. That’s what I like about this stage. It’s crazy and you look like shit – but you’re so inexplicably happy. Plus, looking at these pictures, I think we’re doing an excellent job, the both of us, in our new roles. A strong mother daughter team, established 2016. And the beginning of a long and beautiful story. I can’t wait for everything life is holding in store for us, Miss E.
Thank you, Andrea, for the pictures. Love, as always. x