the answer is: we don’t always know it – but of course we are enough as we are. more than that: we are fabulous creatures. we are multi faceted, sometimes difficult, sometimes we don’t make sense, yes. but isnt’ it fucking awesome to be a woman?
so, inspired by this article – that one would be for you, guys – that i adored, i thought i’d share my rules for being a lady (not that we need it, it’s just for fun, obvs). let’s enjoy the hell out of this lady-thing! the trick is that we don’t really need another set of proper ‘rules’ as such, more like, a guide to take it easy and chill (a sweet girl i know always calls it ‘let’s just chill it’, haha, i think that’s a good general motto…). so here goes.
dress every morning like you’ll be comfortable to accidentally bump into your ex (the one you still fancy, not the schmock, obviously).
it’s okay to have a muffin top. on your muffin! so, be sporty. weather you like it or not, it’s not only good for your body, but it’s good for your soul, too.
so: run on a regular basis (because it’s the most efficient work-out, fast and cheap). okay, correction: get a nice pair of running shoes, first. then run (proper order now).
practice breathing techniques to unwind and maybe even meditation. it helps a lot to ban any unwelcome bad vibes.
when you feel the anger bubble up inside of you, think again, count to ten, then kill your opponents with kindness. if that doesn’t help, well, then kick ass.
every woman wears spanx, so better start wearing them now if you don’t want to have a competitive disadvantage. unless you’re one of those lucky bitches who doesn’t need spanx to begin with. then i officially don’t like you.
oh, and don’t call each other ‘bitches’. except if we’re in fact talking about a real ‘bitch’ (proper, literal meaning of it and all).
be girly whenever the occasion allows it (which isn’t very often, admittedly). if you can’t be girly, keep looking professional.
cherish your girl friendships. men come and go, girls are forever.
sometimes, it’s good to be you, but cooler.
have a second pair of shoes at the office. and maybe even a spare pair of undies. you never know what might happen.
before you enter a restaurant / bar / place on your own, straighten your spine, stand tall, show off your chest. smile. cling to your handbag for support.
if you’re not comfortable enough around him to give him a nickname, forget the guy. if he doesn’t have a nice nickname for you, forget him.
if he doesn’t call or text again, his dog isn’t sick. he’s probably just not that into you. yeah, let’s face it. we’ve all been there.
give other girls the once-over. we all know they do it, too.
know how to do your own mani / pedi, from scratch. do it every other week. yes, also in winter.
learn how to install your own wifi / digital tv / air play. or if you must get help, say thank you and cook him dinner. might as well recruit someone who’s nice to have around.
go on dates, as often as you can. it broadens your horizons. or maybe it’s just better to spend the night watching trashy tv? in any case, don’t do blind dating. it’s bad for your ego.
know something about good books. hide the trashy ones that you really read. same with the movies.
find something you’re infinitely interested in and learn to be good at it.
no, you don’t have to know what ‘offside’ reaaaaally means. have the guy explain it. they love to explain something to us. don’t take that from them.
when you work with men, behave like they know better. even though we all know they probably don’t. we only have to be clever, not bossy, to keep up with them.
walk like you have 3 guys walking behind you. and yes, if you’re tall like me: you can do that in flats, too (i can tell). shimmy!
nagging is a no go, so minimize it. so is bitching, btw. i know. tough one.
we all have our pms-y days, where we feel and act crazy. but remember that pms is never an excuse. eat cake and get over it.
also, if you gave birth and you think it was the worst possible thing? keep it to yourself. thank you.
learn how to give a guy a proper blow job. i’m not suggesting you go out there and schlep home as many willing guys as possible to ‘practice’. there are books, you know (i’m hiding one under my bed). and porn. oh, and love to do ‘it’, btw!
never cook for him on the first date. it never ends well. find a guy who cooks for you instead. sighs. i know, they’re scarce. but expect him to bring you flowers. if you get a wine bottle instead, fine, well… drink it, i guess.
don’t expect him to join your yoga / gym / spinning / zumba class. it’s weird.
be generous. write thank you notes. bring little host / hostess gifts when you’re invited. basic things.
dance. on every occasion. like there is no tomorrow. you know, vodka thinks you can dance.
it’s okay not to be perfect (every day).
happiness is a choice. work for it.