Unofficial Guide to Being a Lady

obviously, it’s not always easy to be a lady nowadays. you see, guys, we’re often confused over ‘womanhood’. there are so many different roles we can and want and/or are expected to take on and fulfill (successfully), that it’s sometimes overwhelming. we have to be the best friend, the colleague, the mate, the partner in crime, the girlfriend, the lover, the vamp, the seductress, the motivator, the supporter, the host, the mother, the sister, the daughter, the tough business woman, the lady, the girl, the tough one, the carer, the dreamer, the doer, the grownup… to say the least: as a woman, you have to really know how to do the splits (another reason to keep that yoga thing going, outch). and oh boy, is it exhausting at times… and the most annoying thing is: upon so many things to be and roles to fulfill, we sometimes lose ourselves. and we often feel like we’re not really able to keep up with men.

but who am i telling this? i mean, the parts you guys play are seriously changing…so you definitely know about the challenges i’m talking about, right? but that’s a different chapter, that we can tap into another day.let me just say that, as a woman, i downright hate that i sometimes live under the pressure that i want to be as good as my fellow male human beings. if not feeling like i have to outsmart and outdo them, to be even better than them. why do we do that, girls? aren’t we awesome enough as we are? utterly unmanly, sometimes not strong, yes, but with all our female flaws, on our own? without wanting to outdo men?

the answer is: we don’t always know it – but of course we are enough as we are. more than that: we are fabulous creatures. we are multi faceted, sometimes difficult, sometimes we don’t make sense, yes. but isnt’ it fucking awesome to be a woman?

so, inspired by this article – that one would be for you, guys – that i adored, i thought i’d share my rules for being a lady (not that we need it, it’s just for fun, obvs). let’s enjoy the hell out of this lady-thing! the trick is that we don’t really need another set of proper ‘rules’ as such, more like, a guide to take it easy and chill (a sweet girl i know always calls it ‘let’s just chill it’, haha, i think that’s a good general motto…). so here goes.

 

playing dress up never really ends. because you can never really be overdressed. okay, maybe skip the heels for hiking.

dress every morning like you’ll be comfortable to accidentally bump into your ex (the one you still fancy, not the schmock, obviously).

pretend your bad hair day is the latest hairstyle. and remember: dry shampoo is your best friend. because now you can work out during lunch time and still look hot in the afternoon.

it’s okay to have a muffin top. on your muffin! so, be sporty. weather you like it or not, it’s not only good for your body, but it’s good for your soul, too. 

so: run on a regular basis (because it’s the most efficient work-out, fast and cheap). okay, correction: get a nice pair of running shoes, first. then run (proper order now).

practice breathing techniques to unwind and maybe even meditation. it helps a lot to ban any unwelcome bad vibes.

when you feel the anger bubble up inside of you, think again, count to ten, then kill your opponents with kindness. if that doesn’t help, well, then kick ass.

every woman wears spanx, so better start wearing them now if you don’t want to have a competitive disadvantage. unless you’re one of those lucky bitches who doesn’t need spanx to begin with. then i officially don’t like you.

oh, and don’t call each other ‘bitches’. except if we’re in fact talking about a real ‘bitch’ (proper, literal meaning of it and all).

be girly whenever the occasion allows it (which isn’t very often, admittedly). if you can’t be girly, keep looking professional.

cherish your girl friendships. men come and go, girls are forever.

sometimes, it’s good to be you, but cooler.

have a second pair of shoes at the office. and maybe even a spare pair of undies. you never know what might happen.

before you enter a restaurant / bar / place on your own, straighten your spine, stand tall, show off your chest. smile. cling to your handbag for support.

if you’re not comfortable enough around him to give him a nickname, forget the guy. if he doesn’t have a nice nickname for you, forget him.

if he doesn’t call or text again, his dog isn’t sick. he’s probably just not that into you. yeah, let’s face it. we’ve all been there.

give other girls the once-over. we all know they do it, too.

know how to do your own mani / pedi, from scratch. do it every other week. yes, also in winter.

learn how to install your own wifi / digital tv / air play. or if you must get help, say thank you and cook him dinner. might as well recruit someone who’s nice to have around.

go on dates, as often as you can. it broadens your horizons. or maybe it’s just better to spend the night watching trashy tv? in any case, don’t do blind dating. it’s bad for your ego.

know something about good books. hide the trashy ones that you really read. same with the movies.

find something you’re infinitely interested in and learn to be good at it.

no, you don’t have to know what ‘offside’ reaaaaally means. have the guy explain it. they love to explain something to us. don’t take that from them.

when you work with men, behave like they know better. even though we all know they probably don’t. we only have to be clever, not bossy, to keep up with them.

walk like you have 3 guys walking behind you. and yes, if you’re tall like me: you can do that in flats, too (i can tell). shimmy!

nagging is a no go, so minimize it. so is bitching, btw. i know. tough one.

we all have our pms-y days, where we feel and act crazy. but remember that pms is never an excuse. eat cake and get over it.

also, if you gave birth and you think it was the worst possible thing? keep it to yourself. thank you.

learn how to give a guy a proper blow job. i’m not suggesting you go out there and schlep home as many willing guys as possible to ‘practice’. there are books, you know (i’m hiding one under my bed). and porn. oh, and love to do ‘it’, btw!

never cook for him on the first date. it never ends well. find a guy who cooks for you instead. sighs. i know, they’re scarce. but expect him to bring you flowers. if you get a wine bottle instead, fine, well… drink it, i guess.

don’t expect him to join your yoga / gym / spinning / zumba class. it’s weird.

be generous. write thank you notes. bring little host / hostess gifts when you’re invited. basic things.

dance. on every occasion. like there is no tomorrow. you know, vodka thinks you can dance.

it’s okay not to be perfect (every day).

happiness is a choice. work for it.

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15 comments on “Unofficial Guide to Being a Lady

  1. Anonymous
    14. September 2013 at 15:51

    SO many of these are problematic I don't even know where to begin.

  2. scarlett gaus
    15. September 2013 at 0:04

    dear anonymous

    tgank you for taking the time to read AND comment. wow! since you didnt elaborate your thoughts i guess the conversation has stopped then. it's a pity you didnt share your ideas in more detail. i would have loved to hear them. i'm sure it would have broadened my horizon!

    ps: please note that this is a provate space, and since it's mine i make the rules and i dont tolerate haters. sonif you wish to start a discuss matters in the future you're welcome, however only in a positive and constructive way. else, why take the time to post a hate message? the blogosphere should be a happy place. thx for respecting this.

    happy weekend to you
    scarlett

  3. proprioceptional
    16. September 2013 at 3:01

    You have the most beautiful blog. I keep coming back because your photos are so gorgeous!!!

  4. scarlett gaus
    16. September 2013 at 4:54

    <3 that's so sweet!
    thank you so much!
    x scarlett

  5. Anonymous
    16. September 2013 at 18:03

    I wouldn't have called the comment a 'hate message' I didn't say 'U SUCK GET A LIFE' I simply said, 'I find many of these problematic

    elaboration: I guess I find encouraging women to worry solely about their appearances (spanx! go running because we don't want to look at fatties with muffin top!) and perpetuate gender binary (men can't do zumba how creepy and gross!) and cater to men (blowjobs! imagine they're walking behind you!) problematic

    what about your lesbian readers?

  6. scarlett gaus
    17. September 2013 at 9:59

    dear anonymous,

    thanks for coming back and commenting again. appreciate it! well, in that regard, i admit that you might have a point: i'm not really a feminist, i'm rather a pretty classic oldschool role model girl girl. who likes to cook for her man, thinks she needs to look pretty to be loved (i know, not very modern or free of me…), likes to spoil and care limitlessly for others simply because i love doing it and, well, i guess i simply enjoy that the classic role of a woman. including being admired by (some, admittedly not many) men. i think it's fantastic to be a woman, wear skirts, get compliments for my lipstick etc. superficial? maybe! but also, i think, cleverer than it might look. and definitely not shallow. i think sexiness isn't defined by obvious beauty. and, most of all, it's not criminal to want to be sexy and admired. work hard for your happiness, i think that's my motto, and beautify your life. for yourself, mostly, but also for others to take part in this beauty.

    i'm not sure that was clear in this post…? maybe not.
    regarding the lesbian readers. why, do they not want to be pretty, surround themselves with beauty, work hard to make life better, step by step, and enjoy the little things? do they not have any self humour? i think they do, too. if they don't, well, then this post is clearly not for them.

    best
    scarlett

  7. :)
    17. September 2013 at 14:17

    hi. not like anyone asked me but I guess some people want to understand everything literally while clearly missing a humerous tone. hope you don't start filtering what's clearly a genuine voice. anyway, so out of curiosity what guys do you date? I mean, do you have a type? smile

  8. annina
    17. September 2013 at 15:05

    danke, scarli! i do love it heaps!

    xx annina

  9. Anonymous
    17. September 2013 at 16:58

    hey girl, love this post! thanks for making me laugh. i totally agree with most of your points except one: "when you work with men, behave like they know better."

    okay, we all know that men can be smartasses (as can women, for that matter). and that their self-opinionated ways can be hugely amusing. however, i would have called it "when you work with men, show them that they are not the smartest person in the room". cos if you're not taking advantage of the many opportunities when you actually DO know better or simply have the better idea – you will never get that promotion.

    still, i was in stitches reading your post!
    xx fiona

  10. scarlett gaus
    18. September 2013 at 16:08

    <3 danke <3
    hihihi

  11. scarlett gaus
    18. September 2013 at 16:13

    hi fiona
    i love to make people laugh, haha. and: i totally agree with you, good point.

    ps: are you the fiona i know, btw? *blush* i'm always confused! people write such nice comments and i want to reply appropriately and equally sweetly…

    thank you and sending lots of girl power over!
    x scarlett

  12. scarlett gaus
    18. September 2013 at 16:22

    wow, a knight in shiny armor, to come to my rescue? just when i thought i was hitting it off with anonymous here (hi, dear commentor), thought, but still… pretty wicked! i don't know you – but hey, i like you! haha.

    about that curiosity of yours… is it a big issue for you? i think it's pretty cute.

    well, there was this boy in kindergarten. we were both 4 years old. he stole his older sister's barbie, which he than gave to me. he made it pretty clear that he liked me. well, i stole my brother's he-man (relict of the 80s…) and gave it to him in return. it wasn't exactly a love story. but i think he was definitely my type (else, i wouldn't have stolen the he-man, obviously).

    what am i trying to say, here… i don't think i have a type, as such. what makes me weak in the knees, however, is gentlemanliness combined with cheek and charm. humour, always a winner. to laugh together till your belly hurts? best thing since sliced bread.

    what do you think? please don't say i should go read more fairytales. because, well, i kinda am, anyway. i want a real-life reply, please? 🙂

    happy everything. and most of all: thanks for a nice, stand-outy comment and a challenging question (i'm always one for challenges).
    xo
    scarlett

  13. Anonymous
    18. September 2013 at 17:45

    hey scarlett, yep it's me 😉 i adore your blog.

    okay, so i outed myself as something of a feminist. i think it's a shame that nowadays the term is so negatively connotated. just to make myself clear: i have never burnt my bra in public, i do not despise men (on the contrary) and i don't have hairy armpits (usually). i simply believe that speaking up for yourself in a professional context is essential, especially for women.

    so girls, speak up and make yourselves heard! 😉

    take care

  14. :)
    20. September 2013 at 12:40

    good question. let me think about it and get back to you…

  15. scarlett gaus
    25. September 2013 at 8:24

    haha, you're so fun! thanks for getting in touch! love a good, cheeky comment.
    xx happy random wednesday, may it be a super one
    scarlett

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