devil may care (or my new me)

a few days ago, we spent a girls’s night. and as always when we’re super profound, a few things occured to me then. you know i’m blessed with girlfriends who are true goddesses (if you knew them, you’d know). they’re super girls. they’d totally leave you open mouthed, no kidding. they juggle a career, a home, a family, a relationship, close friendships, an extensive social network, their personal fitness and health and a couple of pet projects – all at once. of course they also manage to look like polished foxes, all glossy and stylish. and yes, they’re not even bitches (although we’d like to think they are); in fact they’re incredibly sweet and smart, caring, devoted, driven and inspiring. in short: you honestly wouldn’t find a thing about them that’s not to love. they’re always up to date about the goings on in the world. they get up at five in the morning – just because they want to do stuff (what stuff? i only want to sleep!). they are devoted to their sports regimen – and still find the time to care for others (i.e. the mess that is me). how do they do it all? i mean, there are only so many hours to the day! surely, that counts for everyone, even goddesses, right? and it doesn’t even look like it’s hard for them – no! because it isn’t. life is just really a piece of cake for them (okay, it can be pretty intimidating…).
bottom line: if we weren’t friends, i might hate those glossy girls’ and their perfect lives’ guts… (and we’d all know i’m just jealous…) – but you know what? i’m actually just really impressed, inspired and, well, grateful to be around such girls. i admire them, and i want them around me (because one day their fabulousness might rub off on me, bahaha). 
but here’s the thing: i think i was striving for much too long to be perfect myself – when it’s obvious i wasn’t able to. and lately, a few things have kept me from achieving those grades of perfection and the standards i always set for myself. so, obviously, failure was imminent. it was lurking on the door step, harrharr. naturally, i failed, on the whole line, i mean (read on for more revelations… it’s better than any trashy soap opera…). and somehow i know i should be terribly crushed about my failure – but then again…
when things started to get out of hand in the last few weeks – i’m talking an awful lot of work, a mean break up, parents moving out, bestie’s wedding, birthday parties with lasagna for 20, new discovered desire to senselessly enjoy myself 24/7 (i’ve got high standards), party hard and get hangovers (always the classy one, me), not to mention my tendency to run into embarrassing flirtations (another story)… you get the picture (or else, read this for more insights) – i started to realise i don’t actually really care that my life isn’t perfect anymore (okay, i’m telling myself i don’t care and one day i might start to believe it, more like). i’ve actually discovered i’ve got this pretty great ability to block out unwanted things (read: the. shit. – capital letters). okay, so it’s tough to fail at things, to not be superduper all the time. it’s hard to admit that i just don’t manage to get my regimen done; so bye bye to that super tight ass and hard biceps (though i might never have had it in the first place, ahem). it’s tough to accept the mess at home (you do not wish to see my exploding wardrobe…). and to realise that i’m (just sometimes) still – or again – a bloody teenager when it comes to love things (really? i thought that part was over…). i know, all that probably sums up nicely to enough material for a deep, thorough depression… right? and honestly, to know about all this failure would probably have killed me a year ago. my past me would have not taken it well, na-ah. i’d have sticked to my best friends; ben & jerry, only, for consolation. but here’s the thing: my present me, miraculously, is coping.

here’s what i learned (and today i’m going to share my wisdom with you, esclusively, so you might as well get your little notebooks and pens out and take notes): this devil may care attitute… it’s so relieving, freeing and healing! to just not care and give a fuck about things that aren’t perfect – it’s proven to be such a good survival strategy (trust scarlett to find a nice excuse for everything). the fact that i obtained a laissez faire attitude, it has helped me a great deal to deter my mind and think about other things than the obvious worries at hand. it helps me to focus on the ‘cans’ instead of the ‘musts’. i’ve acquired a certain sense of humour about life. what the heck, so i’m not perfect? so? the sun is still bloody shining, the world is still spinning on, the shops are still selling valentino, the glossy foxes still rule the bloody town. but also, no one else really cares if i’m a mess – at least not the ones who really love me. and what’s most important: i don’t really care. strangely, all the embarassing, uncontrolled, unpolished, unprofessional, unreasonable ad unsensible things about me help me to get along, to move on, to enjoy life and, even, to like myself more. i can’t explain it, other than i suddenly feel i don’t have to be perfect all the time. i don’t care if i eat too much ice cream. i don’t care if i skip yoga because i’d rather go for a drink. i don’t care if i’m not out in the fresh air and sun, because i sleep in (with a big, fat hangover, yes indeed). my new me comes with a devil may care attitude and a healthy portion of humour about myself, and a lot of healing sarcasm. it feels so good and freeing! i can highly recommend it. so here’s to all the wild things out there, who are less than perfect – but all the more fun to be with for it.  we’re not perfect – but we’re still pretty cool (or at least, we’re definitely a-okay). let’s be ourselves! let’s embrace our flaws.

disclaimer: as always, i’m not taking the blame if you should so wish to follow through with my directions (which aren’t really directions, mind, more like really fucked up views about the world…). i never said you should drink instead of do yoga, mind. and i never said you should forget your household chores and stay in bed all day. that’s not the idea (although… it might sound tempting at times…). you understand what i’m saying, right? devil may or may not care, is what i’m saying. let’s just never forget to celebrate our flaws. amen.

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